I bet he comes in French.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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