They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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