i need an iv and a liver transplant
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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