didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
