Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
