i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
