I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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