everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize