Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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