Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
