somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
