I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
