My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
