I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
