I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
