I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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