It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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