I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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