You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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