so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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