**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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