I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
