Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
