Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
