So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
