Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
