Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
