you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize