So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize