Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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