i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize