Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
