His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
