I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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