I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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