Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
