Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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