I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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