I'm really into asian looking animals
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
