You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You work out of a Hotel?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
