Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
