I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
