Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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