fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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