I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
