Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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