when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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