my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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