He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize