oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
