I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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