Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
