i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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