I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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