I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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