dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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