my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
