well you can't waste a boner
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
