we have officially lost it.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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