How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
