You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
