I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
