On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
